Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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