I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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