my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
