that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
