I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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