He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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