I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
