I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
