Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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