There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
