Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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