This girl is more easily done than said...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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