just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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