I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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