#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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