Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Floor bacon is actually really good
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
