we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
