'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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