I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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