I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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