hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize