woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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