how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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