It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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