Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
