Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
