at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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