the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
