New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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