Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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