it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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