it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
