Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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