the new term for farting is butt boxing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
