You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
