piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
