woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
