Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
