I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
