cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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