I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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