its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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