Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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