Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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