Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
