The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we're so committed to being not committed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize