I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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