So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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