If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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