so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
