I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Come share oat with me in your robe
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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