Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
