Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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