I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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