I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
