her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
