I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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