Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
