you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
