sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
