maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
