just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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