Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
