I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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