Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
