this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You need Xanax blowdarts
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
