Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
