Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
