I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
