yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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