I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
