Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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